saw "Across the Universe".
it was amazing.
thank god.
I'm going to see it again obviously.
w/alisha. <3 and anyone else. wil perhaps? we discussed.
oh man. I could go on...but why? lol it was simply awesome.
I'm going to name my son Jude. Even if its just his middle name and if I don't have a boy...well then one of my cats is going to be named Jude. end of story.


I love getting text from michelle.
hm. haha MR B YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. haha best story ever in the whole WIDE world and we're the only two people that understand and apprichate why.

I love adam. so much.
I miss you though. that's never ever going away.
I think I would trade it all.

I need you so badly right now.
you too.

I miss kayla.

you're getting to be annoying. why can't we be like we used to? you were in my dream and you were so nice... why do you turn it off? oh yah, cause you're stupid.
oh well, I guess it's better this way.

I feel so lazy and fat. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Nor do I ever know if I will. It scares me more & more each day. Josh and I had a "deep" conversation if you want to call it that. It made a lot of sense but made me more depressed.
I want to visit Mr. Lawton & Mrs. Petitbon when I finish my story. I finally got writing again after oh..six months. I don't have inspiration anymore now that she's gone. The part of me I liked is gone. Its not coming back, and I dont know how to accept that.
meh.


I want my TATTTTTOOOOOOO.
fck.

fkc me.
I should never get excited for anything.
not that I do anymore, but whenever I have once ounce of hope for some form of excitment it gets taken away.


god damnit.
I'm so angry right now.
I almost broke everything in my room.
I can't take this.

atleast wil called.
for about minute.
only nice thing about my day. even my week.


I suck .

my early birthday present came in the mail today.
I'm so happy. (for a change)
I ripped it open to find Jason Schwartzman's EP...album...whatever, of his "band" Coconut Records. Really its just all him.. :]]]]]]

AND
the best best best part is a polaroid he took himself. SO...it's his orginal artwork; it will be feautred in his new video. Sadly it wasnt of him...=[ but I don't care. I'm listening to it now, and its wonderful. Reminds me of the beatles.
I love Jason Schwartzman! <3

I know alot of people dont know him at all.
He's my icon. =]
And my true love.


p.s. I saw HP 5. HP=Amazing. Roo=Gorgeous.

you make me blush.



I'm glad I met you.

it's one month.

but alot of ppl seem to not remember.

I don't have you to tell me what to do. I really need you. I can't tell everyone what I would tell you.



I've got a crush.

fcker.

atleast he takes my mind off things for awhile.

motherrfuckkkker.

I hate this. I hate everything so much.


I want her back right now.
I can't do this.

not fucking her.
I need her so much.

I'm really mad.


mad at everything.
I don't feel like doing anything; ever.


& now I'm sick so I feel even more like crap.


ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

I don't know what to say.
My best friend is dead.


The love of my life.
My cocoa.
The person I'd see everyday; talk to everyday.
The image on tv of her car is embedded in my mind.
She was so beautiful, talented, and smart.
I was so grateful and lucky that she chose me to be her best friend.

I can't get it inside my head that I'll never see her again. Put my arm around her because she was the perfect little height.
Its her birthday next week.
She was going to Italy.
She was going to be an amazingly famous writer.
I don't believe this.
I woke up this morning thinking it was all a dream.
I keep going from total shock/silence..nothing gets to me..then into a phase of non stop crying. I need her.
I need my best friend.

wow.
tonight was absolutly amazing.
holy crap.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
what a rush, let me tell you.
Wil and I went to the Living Room to see the Higher, I am ghost, THE MATCHES, and escape the fate (?). I really loved the Higher, and the matches of course. The Higher played first; wicked cute guys who play great music. Took a lot of good shots. I was so flippin close. This was my first time to the Living Room. Its so great. I can't believe we got that close, with no effort. lol The lead singer had the greatest long hair ever. It was blonde; usually I don't go for the blondes, but he had it going on. ;]
Then I am Ghost... I knew them, but they were different in person. Great performance, but the lead singer was a little much for me, idky.
But then... THE MATCHES.
omggggggggggggggggggggggggg. I could have listened to them all night. They rocked. sooooooooooooooo hard. ha. They really did, and I was in the perfect spot. Their guitarist Jon, whom I adore the most, was on my side and actually raised his eyebrows at me twice when he saw me singing along. boooyah. But that's not even the best part, because...after Wil and I went to look at shirts etc...there was the lead singer of the matches!!!! Thanks to Wil for practically pushing me into him...to get a picture. lol But I got a picture of us! and Wil got him to sign a poster =]]]]]]]]
Again, not the greatest part yet, I saw Jon... and so we go over and asked him for a picture. AHHH greatest moment ever. He was so sweet & I can't believe I actually had the guts to speak to him...I told him how awesome he was (lame..) <3333 but idc, it was the best night ever.
&& I know William had a good time... maybe he'll tell you his story.

did I say today was going to be dumb?
I'm sorry-
more like, horrible.

& now I have more than one reason.

I can't break.
I can't freak out.
cause if I freak out; then hope is really all gone.
I'm the only one that seems to have it anymore.
not that my useless words help at all. (my jokes didn't even help.)
& once I stop to think and ponder, and completly freak...
and shatter and break...

its too scary to contemplate.
I'm not going back again.

This has been a very awesome week so far.
Only two exams. So far I've only taken my math, which wasn't half bad. Then Kayla, Cait, & I went to Denny's where I had the best french toast of my life. :]
I had the day off today which was nice. Slept til almost 2. whoops. :]
I had a fabulous dream... ;;dreamy sigh;;
I feel so happy right now. I don't want it to end.
Tomorrow should continue it.
English exam, then staying to work on some art until Adam gets out of his exam.
Then who knows.... ;] As long as we're together, I don't care what we do.


now I'm trying to do scholarship crap.
arg.
><
writing about john lennon for this one.
he didnt deserve to be murdered.
:[ makes me sad & angry.
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

He's amazing.
It's true. <3


He gave me eight beatles albums; [!!!!]
the eight that I needed to complete my collection.
=]
so you can only guess what I'm listening to right now.
today we had lunch together and again on monday, I believe because we're making up the days we missed for the disease-nesses.
=]

Tomorrow night is Office night.
going over corrina's.
her mom's making torte.. ?
basically double chocolate chunk cakey-fudgey goodness.
I think I'm buying frosting.
hmm, I love thrusdays.
&&& I love him madly.

the Used.
Senses Fail.
30 seconds to Mars.

is this a dream?
nay.

March 22nd;
Here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I don't care if you think these bands suck.
This is going to be the most amazing show.


HUUU RAAAHHHH.
=]]


p.s. the dance was fabulous. <33

vacation is over.
this blows.


ugh. it went by way to fast. it didnt feel like christmas even happened... or new years for that matter. & I wasn't even on drugs.
or drunk.
esp. tonight I wasn't... all alone...eatting tons of chinese food and writing poems for this ridiculous homeowkr assignment.. yeah I'm cool.

fcking nerd.
oh well, I shouldn't be complaining...I think I'm just wicked tired right now.
I did have a very good christmas dispit its fast passing.
got the best of david bowie... and it really is the best. I hope everyone else had a good christmas & new years too. I really REALLY dont want to go back to the hell hole.
oh well.
I thought I had alot more interesting things to say..

oh yah!! the new movie with drew barrymore & hugh grant.. "music and lyrics" .. was that movie, not made for me?????? It totally was made for me. February 14th, I am seeing that bad boy.. and I Dont care if its by myself...

(but trust me, im making that boy take ME) <3

today was the best.

good times. party here & there.
pervy comments in art.
orgasmic fudge.
art times 3. 1st lunch. party pizza. hugs.
presents. <3

today was a good day.
william is the best ever.
& I'll leave the rest to imagination.

christmas is comin' fools.

Tonight will be amazing.
going to corrina's for The OFFICE party.
haha "office party at home" in the words to ahDUM.
we're baking brownies for the s.t.a.n.d. movie night tomorrow....[don't worry some will deffiantly be consumed by meh]

I can't wait for Christmas....or really when all my friends get their presents from me. I love buying/making presents for people.

& let's just say.... I could spend the rest of my life with him.
it's official.

you ruined it.
today was suppose to be so perfect.
I'm so angry.
maybe that makes me selfish.
wait, no it doesn't.
I'm your fcking girlfriend.
after everything that happened this week, today was suppose to be our day.
not you, me, & the other guy.
you need to make this up.
fast.

I'm beyond worried right now. =[
I really should have called today.
I don't even know what to do.
Tomorrow will answer everything.

I simply have to post a thank you to Paul for mentioning the horrors.
it's safe to say I'm addicted.

thank you. =]

I wish their album was out, now. <3